Am I mistaken for considering it is a deal-breaker?
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Pricey James,
I’m a 73-old-woman who has been courting a person of the identical age. We get alongside famously apart from one downside: His earlier girlfriend nonetheless lives in his residence, which he left to permit her to proceed residing there. For greater than a yr, he has been staying at a good friend’s second residence, however now it’s time for him to return to his personal home. This implies he’ll quickly be residing along with his ex, as he refuses to vary the scenario. Why? Her monetary scenario is just not good, and he feels responsible. He doesn’t appear to know why I’d have an issue with any of this, as he professes to be in love with me. However I don’t assume I can proceed this relationship so long as he’s residing along with his outdated girlfriend. Am I being unreasonable?
Pricey Reader,
Properly, individuals come to all kinds of bonkers preparations to get by this life collectively, don’t they? Two within the basement, one within the attic; three days on this condo, 4 in that; I’ll take the sofa, you are taking the mattress, she’ll transfer to Sweden, and the canine can sleep the place he likes. However for the bonkers association to work, all events have to subscribe to kind of the identical model of actuality.
Which isn’t the case right here. You and your boyfriend—and I’m portray a pleasant, presumably fully misguided, image of him in my thoughts: a hater of change, a pleaser of individuals, a postponer of choices, slothful, benevolent, a person after my very own coronary heart, actually—have reached the outdated Frostian fork, the place the place the 2 roads diverge.
Why can’t all of us simply get alongside? he needs to know. You, me, my ex-girlfriend, and the mailman who stops in for tea. What’s so difficult about that?
However to you, it’s insanity. His ex-girlfriend? Residing with him in his home? Sharing a house with him, a home area that also has bits of their outdated relationship mendacity round in it like used automobile components, a carburetor right here and a windshield wiper there? It’s an insupportable scenario. And I believe it’s important to belief your self right here. Your boyfriend is performing up. He says he’s in love with you, however he’s not doing an excellent job of listening to you—listening to you, as the children say.
My recommendation: Kick him round a bit, metaphorically talking. He could have developed thick, woolly layers of insulation round his mind to guard him from the painfulness and issue of life. You will need to penetrate them, batter or needle your approach by them. Assist him perceive how foolish he’s being. He’ll get it, ultimately, or he gained’t. And if he doesn’t, you’ll know what to do.
Dancing from one issue to a different,
James
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